"Injured black wings, in the light of the moon, glimmer beautifully as they soar... A crimson kiss has discovered its way into the depths of my soul... and into my dream." - "Eden", To Destination
Music: "Fourth Avenue Cafe" - L'Arc~en~Ciel
Mood: happy and pissed at the same time
Wednesday, September 19, 2001
If I were Wufei, I'd be screaming "INJUSTICE!!!! Death to all onna!!!" right about now... The reason I'm so pissed off is because I asked my mom if I could get contact lenses (a reasonable request) and she refuses flat out! For no reason! I didn't even get a chance to explain myself!
Keiko: Mom, can I get contact lenses?
Mom: No.
Keiko *surprised*: Why not?
Mom: Because I said so.
Keiko: But...
Mom: No.
Keiko: I'll give up my allowance?
Mom: You've already lost your October allowance the last time you made me buy those cds for you.
Keiko *tries again*: I'll forgo ear holes?
Mom: No.
Keiko *blinks*: But...
Mom: NO! Now stop bothering me and go do your homework!
Keiko *coming back after 10 minutes*: Look, I'll pay for each set of lenses I get. I mean, I said I'll forget about the earholes...
Mom: Who's gonna pay the examination fees? Me? Besides, I already said you don't get allowance for October.
See? I was ready to try the incentive of no dating next. Looks like I'll have to call my dad now and ask him if he'll pay for it. *sigh* Life's not fair. I mean, I've been such a good girl for the last month. I did my homework ontime everyday, and I'm getting good grades. Now, suddenly out of the blue, my mom denies me the comfort of lenses?! I'm sick of glasses! I look like a complete different person with glasses on. Once I took off my glasses in class because it was giving me a headache, and one of my friends glanced at me, then away, then her head snap back to me fast, and she looks at me with this incredulous look on her face, and says, "Whoa! I didn't know it was you!"
Oh yes, I was feeling a little happy too... right. My internet's been having problems because our phonelines haven't been on its best behavior, and since our computer is connected to the phone by a wire, it was hard for it to sign onto the net and stay on. Well, I figured that if I just disconnected the modem from the phone, and attached it straight to the wall like my other compter was, then it'd connect better. I was right, and now I'm happily online without worrying about it kicking me off. ^_^ I'm so proud of myself.
Oh yeah, I made another blog, just for my deep, dark, depressing, reflective thoughts. I'm not giving out the addy for it freely. Anyway, I worked on it last night, and now it looks absolutely gorgeous! I kept the same basic layout of column on the left and entries on the right for that new blog, but I changed the name and the picture at the top, as well as the colors. The other blog has a link to this one, but Shi no Yume won't be linked to the new blog. I mean, I do want some privacy from the people I know (from school, that is)
Keiko yawned at 11:22 p.m.
"Injured black wings, in the light of the moon, glimmer beautifully as they soar... A crimson kiss has discovered its way into the depths of my soul... and into my dream." - "Eden", To Destination
Music: "Ashitawa Atashino Kazega Fuku" - Digimon
Mood: {none}
Monday, September 17, 2001
Thanks to my stupid internet connection, I lost an entire entry I was typing up. Oh well, don't feel like repeating myself, except to say that I WAS pretty happy until just now, cos today's Thursday and that means I don't have to worry about I.S. homework for another week. Still have to study for Government essay test tomorrow, though.
Keiko yawned at 04:19 p.m.
"Injured black wings, in the light of the moon, glimmer beautifully as they soar... A crimson kiss has discovered its way into the depths of my soul... and into my dream." - "Eden", To Destination
Music: Hamasaki Ayumi Best album
Mood: tired, so very tired
Wednesday, September 26, 2001
Everytime I listen to this cd, I'm reminded of my stand partner Aaron from last year's YPSO. He was the one who gave me this cd, as well as Utada Hikaru's Distance album. They're both burned. I kinda miss him, cos he was such a great person to talk to. I had fun last year, being his stand partner. I dunno, lately I've been missing him a lot, because no one talks like he does, no one I know right now, at least. I think he decided to go to Yale, though I'm not sure because I forgot to ask him last year. I'll email him, I think.
I'm still up because I have to write a journal response to a news article on welfare for Government class. I think I'm almost done. When I'm done, I'm hoping to go to bed. I was able to do some work today, though overall I didn't accomplish much. Tomorrow, I'll have to do Biology homework, finish up my math analysis homework, English homework (essay :P) and take notes for Government. *sigh* so much f***ing work! I work way to slowly. Or rather, I write way to slowly. Lately I've been so organized in homework. Every little thing is written with a precise hand, no sloppiness or hurried work at all, though that could be considered my downfall. After all, my slowpokeness is what's causing me to "fall behind" in my schoolwork, though I always get it done in time (at the price of myself nearly having a nervous breakdown). I nearly had a heart attack when I wrote down all the homework assignments I have to complete by the end of this week and saw just how much work I had. I suppose I'm better off than some people, who haven't done much work at all. Then again, most people just seem to have more hours in a day than I do. I'm catching a breather from gov. right now, cos I can't stand to do something I dislike for more than a half hour at a time. I definitely won't be sleeping well tonight. In fact, lately, I've even had nightmares about homework (not counting the one I had before school started that I didn't do my summer math assignment and Mr. Henri was frowning at me...*shudder* so scary I woke up screaming). Every morning, my first conscious thought is either "Oh shit, I still have to do English homework" or "Damn, I still have to take notes for so so chapter" or "F***! If I don't practice violin today, my teacher's gonna kill me!" Notice how Biology and Math and French aren't really a problem? That's only cos math is easy, French is just review right now, and biology is just note-taking and answering some really easy questions. It's a wonder I haven't gotten any early white hairs yet. I wouldn't be surprised if I did. I've never had to work at this rate before (endless cycle of work and note-taking and more work), so I'm idly wondering just how long it'll be before I collapse from exhaustion. Just a skin-deep interest in when will be the first time I faint in my life. Will it be in class? Or at home? I've never fainted before, and I'd like to say I'm healthy as a bull, but that kind of stuff usually jinxes me, so... Anyway, I just don't feel that my body's made for collapsing, so I doubt that I'll ever actually faint from sheer stress. Just like I don't belive that stress will take it out on my body. To recap a conversation I had with my mom some days ago...
Keiko: Mom! Look at my face! Why are there so many pimples?! (problem solved now, of course. God bless Neutragena and the fact that there is actually an END to a blasted period)
Mom: Well, you've been studying really hard lately. Maybe it's just stress...
Keiko: But what the hell does it have to do with my face?! And if it has to take it out on my body, why can't I faint or something? Then at least I'd get to skip school!
There... I swear, PMS must stand for POSTmenstrual Syndrome as well as Prementstrual Syndrome. I'm getting bitchier by the moment. Better sign off now and go finish homework. Oh right, and email Aaron. Hope I can tune my temper down a little.
Keiko yawned at 12:05 a.m.
"Injured black wings, in the light of the moon, glimmer beautifully as they soar... A crimson kiss has discovered its way into the depths of my soul... and into my dream." - "Eden", To Destination
Music: {none}
Mood: {none}
Tuesday, September 25, 2001
Wow! Kauru actually blogged AND replied my email! She must have been online for hours to do this! LOL, j/k. And she blogged a lot too. Pssh, Kauru talked about how she didn't like emotionless snobs (in anime) like Aya from Weib and added no offense to me. It makes it sound like I'm an emotionless snob. *pauses* On second thought... Anyway, I like guys who are "emotionless snobs". :P They're so much cooler than a guy who'd cry his eyes out with you when something sensitive comes up. Not that they're not nice, but still, I like some arrogance in guys. Not too much though, then they're just over-confident, like someone I know *glares at Eugene*
Haha, Kauru still thinks I've obsessed over her stealing my *cough*perverted*cough* laugh. Don't worry, Ka-chan, I've cultured a much better and more evil cackle. :P Think of... no, don't think of Tomo, think of... no, don't think of Naga the Serpent either XP OOoooohhhh, W-inds dance in water in their 3rd music video? I wanna see that! Dancing over sheets of water is so cool looking.
Kauru wants to be a guy... lol, j/k, more specifically she wants to be Ryuichi! LOL She said herself that she looked like him. Okay, don't kill me, Kauru...
Anoo... Kauru... you better not read my blog... it's been way too long since you last checked... I've probably archived twice already. Yeah, by Thanksgiving, I'll have archived 5 more times.
Keiko yawned at 05:22 p.m.
"Injured black wings, in the light of the moon, glimmer beautifully as they soar... A crimson kiss has discovered its way into the depths of my soul... and into my dream." - "Eden", To Destination
Music: "Seven" - Gackt
Mood: {none}
Tuesday, September 25, 2001
I was watching Pokemon today, and it was the episode where Tracey "caught" Scyther. My favorite part was at the end:
Tracey: Ok, let me do this right *takes deep breath, sticks arm out* I CAUGHT SCYTHER!!!
Ash: *clears throat*No no no, Tracey, you're doing it all wrong. Let me teach you how it's really done.
Tracey: Oh *pays close attetntion*
Ash: Observe how my feet are slightly spread apart, and then you stick out your arms like this...no no no, like THIS.*murmurs fades into background*
Misty:*sighs*We don't want another Ash.
Pikachu: *looks slightly put out* Pika...
Hahaha, I love the way Tracey was actually paying attention to Ash! Ok, and that was the high point of the day. So far. Pathetic, huh? No, no, don't answer my question...
I have so much homework I shouldn't even be online, so why am I? Huh, good question... I better go write that essay that's due Thursday (that I haven't even started on. -_-)
Keiko yawned at 05:13 p.m.
"Injured black wings, in the light of the moon, glimmer beautifully as they soar... A crimson kiss has discovered its way into the depths of my soul... and into my dream." - "Eden", To Destination
Music: {none}
Mood: still stressed
Saturday, September 22, 2001
Should be getting off line soon, but I just wanted to comment:
Doesn Kauru ever go online anymore? I get no email from her (part of the reason I don't check my mail everyday anymore), and she never blogs. Last time, I had to call to make sure she was still alive. ^_^ Well, maybe that's a little mean, I mean, after all, her mom and my mom chat on the phone all the time, so I'd hear if something happened. Ohhh, I really like Kauru's mom. She's the only one who can tell me apart from my mom over the phone. Everyone says that we sound exactly alike, and everyone's always getting us mixed up, but Kauru's mom always knows who's who. ^_^ And she cooks really well too!
Keiko yawned at 08:05 p.m.
"Injured black wings, in the light of the moon, glimmer beautifully as they soar... A crimson kiss has discovered its way into the depths of my soul... and into my dream." - "Eden", To Destination
Music: {none}
Mood: stressed
Saturday, September 22, 2001
I have so much homework! I'm gonna die!!!!! Argh! I hate all my teachers for not thinking that I'd get other homework from other classes. Well, except my Stat teacher. He gave us a weekend off, since we just had a test. But that still leaves me with note-taking for 4 out of 6 academic classes. Especially Government. Why does Mr. Teel makes us take so many notes? My hand hurts after a couple of pages, and when my hand hurts, it tenses up when I play violin, and that doesn't make my violin teacher happy. Whatever I do, one of my teachers will be unsatisfied with something. For some reason, they all assume that their class is the most important and that their students have no life outside of music and school. Well, at least my art teacher's nice enough to tell me not to worry about homework during the week. I only have to go once a week to draw. It's like my teachers all chose this week to give me hell or a ton of homework. I swear, I'll have a nervous breakdown if the workload doesn't lighten up by next week. I woke up this morning with construction noise on BOTH side of my house, and the repeated sound of something heavy falling on concrete. Oh yeah, that was a great way to start a Saturday morning. I nursed a headache all the way to violin class, then my teacher had to make me play these measures of really high notes over and over again (adding to my headache, may I say?), and then yelling at me when my right pinky wasn't curved along the bow. Then he yelled at me for not having enought resin on my bow. Geez, it seems like he only yells at me out of all his students. At least, I never see many other students get yelled at. He assumes that I have plenty of time to practice the violin (which I don't, thanks to homework) and that I just don't practice hard enough (pssh, I hardly have time to practice anymore, what else do you expect?). He's just not a very good or patient teacher. I wish I coulda started out with Ben or something. At least he's a good teacher. Oh well, I've decided to switch teachers in another year or so, so I'll just put up with him till then. Or maybe I'll just have to stop taking private lessons. *feels sad at prospect* I don't think I can stop violin after so many years. It's just like it was with the honor system. I don't want to put up with the extra workload anymore, but my pride won't allow it. My pride's very keen on competition. :P I hope at least I can join an orchestra in college.
Keiko yawned at 07:48 p.m.
"Injured black wings, in the light of the moon, glimmer beautifully as they soar... A crimson kiss has discovered its way into the depths of my soul... and into my dream." - "Eden", To Destination
Music: "Maria" - Gackt
Mood: tired, eyes half closed in sleep
Wednesday, September 19, 2001
I truly don't know what to say. It's like everything takes a flying leap out of my brain when I try to blog. Guess nowadays nighttime isn't the best time to blog. I'm logged down by homework. I was only on to check mail. Tomorrow, I have all four of my classes in the afternoon, you know, turning in homework, getting new assignments for next week... all that crap. Now that I think about it, maybe setting up the appointments all on the same day wasn't so great an idea after all. Well, at least I finished all my homework for those classes. Except now it leaves me with 3 unread chapters for AP Amer. Government, as well as notes for every chapter, two news article journals for the same class, and a quiz and a test to study for for AP Statistics class. Not to mention my SAT Prep class is taking a diagnostic test tomorrow evening, which means when I get home, all my "brain power" will be used up for the day, leaving none to use for homework or studying. I suppose I don't really need to study for stat class. It isn't all that hard anyway, but three chapters plus notes is an awful lot for government class. Oh yeah, did I mention I also have a test for Math Analysis? But I don't need to worry about that until next week. Thank god. I'm more concerned about Math Analysis than Stat. Oh no! I haven't finished my French home work yet! And I have to make sure I get time to practice for school orchestra seat auditioning next week! *tries to stop hyperventilating* Ok, ok, I can handle this. Just make a stupid schedule and try to stick to it for once. I seriously doubt my government teacher will check our notes on Friday, so I have a whole weekend to work on that. I can finish my French homework tomorrow after I come home from 2nd period and before I go to my afternoon classes, and if I go to sleep now, I can probably convince myself to get up early tomorrow morning and go to school to practice on the school violin.
Speaking of violins. I recently lose both my shoulder-rests... Yeah, both of them. I had two. I bought the second one when I thought I lost the first one, but then the first one turned up and I ended up with two shoulder-rests. Recently, when school started, I realized that one of my shoulder-rests were missing, and I had no idea where it went. I lost my other one two weeks ago on BART. Yeah, BART, dumb, huh? Anyway, I already had to suffer on a sponge on the school violin, and after I lost my second shoulder-rest, I couldn't even practice properly at home, so today, after much delaying, I finally went to Ifshin's Violins and bought a new shoulder-rest. Kun. I always use that brand, and I happen to like it. Anyway, it wasn't a collapsible one like my first one, partly because I didn't bring enough money to cover a collapsible one, and partly because it was getting on my nerves. I mean, after 3-4 years of something that keeps on folding in your hands is just a little too much. The coolest part is, I didn't even have to spend my own money for it. I'd already used up my meager allowance for September, so I just asked my mom for 20 dollars for a shoulder-rest. She didn't even act surprised or protested, and just gave me the money. I suppose she's okay with paying for stuff like my music stuff or my art stuff. Oh, speaking of art, the sketch I'm working on right now is another woman (big surprise; my art teacher's a guy and he loves to paint/draw pretty women). This was a picture from a magazine. Full page, fine details and all that. Usually, my teacher prefers for me to start working on the facial outline and do the eyes last, but this time, he didn't protest when I started working on the eyes first. The drawing thus far is basically this incredible (and I mean incredible) pair of eyes, and a hazy outline of the face and a blotchy looking nose (it's all my teacher's fault, I swear!). I am very much tempted to just drop the picture where it is. I'd be happy to just leave it as a pair of eyes. I did a great job on the eyes, everyone in my class (as well as out) said so. I'm kinda glad, because I'm obsessed with drawing eyes. It's my favorite part of the face to draw. Noses are my least favorite. :P I remember I had to sketch a plaster nose sculpture in my old art class, and I hated that assignment.
Wow, it's getting late. I better get to bed if I want to get up early, go to Starbucks to get a cup of coffee, and rush back to school to practice violin. (I have a feeling I'll be skipping the Starbucks part)
Keiko yawned at 11:55 p.m.
"Injured black wings, in the light of the moon, glimmer beautifully as they soar... A crimson kiss has discovered its way into the depths of my soul... and into my dream." - "Eden", To Destination
Music: {none}
Mood: getting a little depressed, and a bit angry
Monday, September 17, 2001
I was at Ivy's house for just a little while today. I saw on the news about two best friends, one with a daughter, who'd been on the planes that crashed into WTC. There was a whole story about how they'd been soul friends for 10 years, and how even though they'd been on seperate planes, they'd still gone down together.
I thought I couldn't be affect by what was happening. I thought wrong. I shed no tears over the tragedy for nearly a week, yet one story nearly sent me into fits of sobbing. I had to turn away from the tv and bite my lips to prevent myself from crying. I succeeded. My eyes didn't even water, just a slight tingling soreness in the bridge of my nose that usually signified oncoming torrents of tears. Even that went away after a while. I haven't shed a tear in a long time, and I won't be for a long time either. I don't like to let grief overwhelm me, because as relieving as a cry can make you feel afterwards, it is too emotionally exhausting and a bit of an inconvenience. I always get a headache, or feel dazed after I cry, and that doesn't really feel good. How can a cry make you feel good when you feel like more than half of your soul has been torn away from you in the flood of tears? Tears can be burdensome too, and it accomplishes nothing. It won't bring the dead back, and it certainly can't change the past, no matter how much you want it to. I'm a deep believer of fate, so while I'm not saying that those innocents were fated to die, I am saying that even were they able to prevent the WTC incident, something of such magnitude would have happened elsewhere anyway. Such a thing is bound to happen in history. It just chose to happen last Tuesday morning in New York City. For those who died, it can definitely be said that they are in a better place, because there can be no worse place than this world, where humans kill without a second thought, and people go through life false to their nature. In the end, it all boils down to hate, greed, selfishness, and bloodlust. Politeness, love, and generosity are merely layers laid upon a human as he or she grows, blanketing the true nature of humans so that we can appear "civilized" in contrast to other members of the Kingdom Animalia. However, if "heaven" is like this world, where everyone pretends civilty to each other, I'd rather go to hell. At least it's warm there.
I really want to be born a sloth in my next life, if multiple lives really do exist. Preferably a sloth in a different world, because by the time I reincarnate, the natural beauty of this world would have been slaughtered by the very species that claims to rule it.
Keiko yawned at 11:44 p.m.
"Injured black wings, in the light of the moon, glimmer beautifully as they soar... A crimson kiss has discovered its way into the depths of my soul... and into my dream." - "Eden", To Destination
Music: "Brand New Wave Upper Ground" - Judy and Mary
Mood: tired... eyes straining...
Monday, September 17, 2001
Yeah, weird song title... But it's a good song, sorta. The vocal gives me a headache though. Anyway, I should be doing AP Government homework. I was going to, but since it doesn't seem to be due anytime soon... Well, after this, I'm going to bed. Ahh, I can see it now... nice soft pillow, warm covers, cat purring on my stomach (ooof, heavy cat...), music in my ears as I slowly drift off to sleep, dreaming of a handsome...er...scratch that last part. ^_^ Haha, j/k.
I was going to say something, but I forget... Geez, I have such short-term memory. I always remember random things. I have very selective memory. Oh well, it'll come back to me. Anyway, I had a semi nice day today. Got my 3rd period class switched to my 1st, so I can go home after 2nd period. I walked to my 1st period today, handed my transfer slip to my teacher, who told me to take a seat. I knew at least half of the people in that period, even saw a few I didn't know was in that class (one of them being my friend Christine). So, setting my Statistics book down on the tiny desk (right in front of Christine, the same seat I take in 3rd period), then, tried to set my lemonade bottle down. Tried being the operative word. It dropped from my hand (damn glass bottles), landed on the (tiny) desk with a clunk, rolled off the tiny desk and landed on the seat with a clunk, and then rolled off the seat onto the floor with a clunk. I'm sure at least half the class saw me, or at least heard the clunks. It wasn't particularly embarrassing, just kinda funny, and I almost laughed at this. Then my history teacher made an amused comment (he saw all of this) about making a grand entrance. Haha, at least I didn't make the stereotypical "grand entrance", which is to trip over something and fall flat on your face with the entire class watching. That would not have been good.
*Yawn* I should go sleep or something. Oh wait, I have to take a shower before I go to bed. Argh... don't like water... but hot water's nice this time of the year...
Keiko yawned at 11:21 p.m.
"Injured black wings, in the light of the moon, glimmer beautifully as they soar... A crimson kiss has discovered its way into the depths of my soul... and into my dream." - "Eden", To Destination
Music: {none}
Mood: {none}
Sunday, September 16, 2001
I'm thinking I should change most of my fonts to Verdana.
Keiko yawned at 04:33 p.m.
"Injured black wings, in the light of the moon, glimmer beautifully as they soar... A crimson kiss has discovered its way into the depths of my soul... and into my dream." - "Eden", To Destination
Music: "Illness Illusion" - Gackt
Mood: perky (scary...)
Sunday, September 16, 2001
Ok, the music doesn't really match my mood right now, but what the heck.
I'm cheerful cos I finished all my homework, and now I have time to be online. ^_^ But oh wait, I have to finish reading The Great Gatsby first...
Keiko yawned at 04:07 p.m.
