Sunday, September 16, 2001"...I don't want the world to see me, cos I don't think that they'd understand..." - "Iris", Goo Goo Dolls
Music: {none}
Mood: {none}
Yay! Vinita agreed to let me link her blog! It's so pretty! Go look under Web Logs!
Keiko dreamed at 03:53 p.m.
Saturday, September 15, 2001"...I don't want the world to see me, cos I don't think that they'd understand..." - "Iris", Goo Goo Dolls
Music: {none}
Mood: still made enough to kill (duh, it's only been half a minute)
Nevermind my last entry...
Keiko dreamed at 08:55 p.m.
Saturday, September 15, 2001"...I don't want the world to see me, cos I don't think that they'd understand..." - "Iris", Goo Goo Dolls
Music: {none}
Mood: still very, very pissed
What the hell? How come my addy says http://web.pitas.com/kitsunekei ? Everyone else's stayed the same!
Keiko dreamed at 08:54 p.m.
Saturday, September 15, 2001"...I don't want the world to see me, cos I don't think that they'd understand..." - "Iris", Goo Goo Dolls
Music: {none}
Mood: very, very pissed.
Somebody give me a knife; I'm gonna go kill the bastard who invented math...
I had such a miserable day today: woke up at 8:30 for no reason, with no way to fall asleep again (I don't have Dayquill; poor me...), so I got up to watch cartoons. I discovered that Cardcaptors didn't start until 10:00, which was exactly when I had to leave to go to my violin lesson. I taped it, figuring since my lesson ended at 12:00, I could catch a bus home, stop the VCR and turn off the tv before I had to go to art class. But noooooo, I stood in the freezing cold wind for 45 minutes waiting for the damn 15 bus, and then another cold 5 minutes waiting for the 72 or 73 bus (had to take two buses). When I finally got to my teacher's house, I discovered, to my shock, that I was 45 minutes late. I played for half an hour before my teacher said he had to go, but the fortunate part was that he's give me a ride to the bart station in El Cerrito, thus saving me one bus ride. The 15 was late (again), so I didn't have time to go home, but instead had to catch the 43 (also late) to art class. When I got to art class, I saw, to my less-than-pleased shock, that everyone, and I mean, everyone, had decided to show up today, including a new girl who, apparently, still isn't sure whether she wants to join our class or another class. Usually out of me and five other boys, only me and 1 or 2 boys show up at a time over the summer, but even before the summer, we never had everyone in class at the same time (basketball games, baseball games, church activities, visiting friends <--that's me...)Because everyone was in class today, the art teacher's livingroom was very crowded, and being crowded is not fun after 10 sweaty minutes of walking under the blazing noon sun with a damn heavy violin case over one shoulder. Of course, then I came home, and the damn tv was still on (duh...). So I got to doing homework, or at least I tried to... Argh! I hate Math Analysis! I don't remember the conversion from centimeters to feet! <--That's for AP Statistics... However, I did find some very interesting things in the back of the Random House Dictionary of the English Language (huge book measuring three inches...), such as a French-English, English-French, Spanish-English, vice versa, Italian-English, vice versa, and German-English, and vice versa dictionary. There was also a whole bunch of junk like the lakes of the world, waters of the world, presidents and vice presidents and all their wives list, symbols from all different kinds of languages, etc. But no conversion table from the metric system to the...the... whatever system U.S. uses. What a miserable day... I should be listening to "Mi'zerable" by Gackt.
Keiko dreamed at 08:07 p.m.
Friday, September 14, 2001"...I don't want the world to see me, cos I don't think that they'd understand..." - "Iris", Goo Goo Dolls
Music: {none}
Mood: {none}
Ivy was just here. Talked my ear off at a rate of 50 miles per hour. Everytime she talks to me, I feel like there's a deluge of information pouring into my head. Seriously, sometimes when I'm around her, my head feels like it's about to burst. ^_^; Anyway, we chatted, I chatted online, I looked at blogs, Ivy chatted at me... It's hard to get a word in when she's talking, but still, somehow I do. I think only close friends of Ivy aren't entirely overwhelmed by her. Someone I know even admitted to being slightly afraid of her. I say no names *cough*Wu*cough*. Haha, j/k. Anyway, my mom's still not back from her supposed "date". Should I be worried? I guess it means she enjoys the guys's company... Yeah, well, the sooner she settles down, the less I have to worry about getting financial support for college. Oh look, there I go with money again... I hope she's having a good time. She said jokingly that if this "date" lasted 10 minutes, it would be because the guy was ugly. LOL, well, it's been a few hours. I should probably go to bed before she comes home and yells at me for being online for so long. Yeah... going now...
Keiko dreamed at 10:31 p.m.
Friday, September 14, 2001"...I don't want the world to see me, cos I don't think that they'd understand..." - "Iris", Goo Goo Dolls
Music: "Gravity" - Luna Sea
Mood: subdued... just a tad.
I think that when I start talking about psychological stuff, I get depressing. I've got such a pessimistic view on life. It's a wonder how so many of friends are so optimistic and have a caring human nature. You won't have any idea how many of my e-pals were grieving over the incident in NY. Not that I don't care, but I find it hard to be sad about it. No one I knew died, so I'm all good. I was listening to Alanis Morisette's "Uninvited", and one part of the lyrics was something about a "hot-blooded woman" and I remember thinking to myself that I was more likely to be cold-blooded... I suppose, on some levels I care, but on other levels, I don't.
People are always saying that money isn't everything. I remember a time when I used to believe that. Only a few years ago, in fact. But then my opinion changed. For me, it became "Money may not be everything, but it sure is half of everything." THAT was a year ago. Now it'd gone under another change, being mutated into "Money may not be everything, but it is more than half of everything." See how selfishness and greed has come to rule my world? The most important thing about college that I'm worried about is not whether I can get in or not, but where I'm going to get the money to pay. Everything revolves around money now... I've been working lately. I suppose my original goal was to have enough money to buy manga, but now I'm just hoarding my checks like a dragon with its treasure. OH MY GOD!! O_O I've turned into Tatsumi!!! LOL, j/k. Although now I can see why I'm so much like Tatsumi.
Humans are a self-destructive species... Why we're even allowed to live is a wonder to me. As much as we don't want to admit it, it's true. I say "Ha!" to the idea that humans were made in God's image. That's just a religious way of thinking that we're special, when we're not really. What's that quote from The Matrix? "Humans are a virus."? or something like that? A virus and a parasite. A self-destructive-natured virus and parasite. We try to make up for the damages we've caused, but it's too late and too slow. Eventually, the damage will outstride the attempted repairs. I don't doubt that the world will end someday, but I don't believe that chosen people (namely religious people) will go to a promised land. No offense, religious-affiliated people, but it just sounds too much like a false comfort to me. Something that's said to give people a sense of security and to lure people to their faith.
Sure, call me a lost lamb if you must. Just don't email me flames.
Keiko dreamed at 08:31 p.m.
Friday, September 14, 2001"...I don't want the world to see me, cos I don't think that they'd understand..." - "Iris", Goo Goo Dolls
Music: "dears" - Gackt
Mood: c-c-cold... (yeah, I know that's not really a mood...)
I'm sitting here, in front of my computer, freezing my ass off, with no one to talk to. My mom went on a "date", leaving me at home to do homework, but my Math Analysis homework is confusing as hell, so I abandoned it to more leisurely pursuits, such as chatting and blogging. Except the only person I cared to chat with just left, and my usual chatting buddy isn't on. I kinda want to sleep, but my eyes won't close (haha, what a deviation from norm!), and I don't know what to blog about. Funny how when I'm off the computer, I can think of plenty of things to say, but when I'm actually logged in, my mind draws a endless plane of blankness. Of course, I'm blogging now, but I'm mainly just blabbing. I think it takes a few paragraphs for me get going.
I think I should be more like Kauru, blog less about personal life, and more about interests like anime or manga. Kauru and Maryam are definitely opposites when it comes to blogging. Kauru doesn't do enough, and not in depth, and Maryam does too much too in depth. There is no middle ground for them. Me? I need to talk less... How ironic. I can't keep my mouth shut online, but in public I rarely open my mouth more than a few times a day... just enough to make necessary conversation. Yeah, definitely need to shut up. Should be like Sherry: never blog at all. ^_^
Going back to blogs. I think I might stop checking Maryam's. She's getting depressing. I don't like the two sides of her I see. She's a very good actor. Either that, or she really is getting over that asshole Jon and is internally denying it. She acts way too normal for it to be a mask. No one can act that well when it comes to emotional pain. I think she's going through that phase where she sees the name of the person anywhere and everywhere. I went through that once during a crush. It's not hallucinations. It's just random coincidences. Damn annoying, seeing the guy's name pop up everywhere. Everywhere I turn, it turns up. I was glad when it finally went away, cos it was getting a tad annoying. Anyway, my psychological opinion is that Maryam is just holding onto the heartache and pain, dragging it out, because humans subconscioulsy love pain in a perverted way. It explains people's love for angst in books, because it gives that extra twist of the heart that is extremely painful (emotionally). Anyone who's read major angst knows exactly what I'm talking about.
Ack! I'm going into lecture mode! Gotta stop talking about angst! It's hard though, cos angst is such a wonderful thing to analyze. I think I really may be able to become a experimental psychologist or something in the future. However, I still hold onto the belief that I belong in the Humanities field.
Keiko dreamed at 07:58 p.m.
Tuesday, September 11, 2001"...I don't want the world to see me, cos I don't think that they'd understand..." - "Iris", Goo Goo Dolls
Music: {none}
Mood: {none}
I was looking over some archived entries (my god the entries box for the first two "rants" looks so squished together), and I realized that although I'd linked this blog from K&K with the intention of using it as an update on my anime/manga goings and doings, it's really turned into my own journal... I hope people at least visit for the layout. It's really not that bad. The layout right now is an improved (or maybe mutated) version of what it started out as. I really suggest to anyone that sees this page not to look at my first two pages... it looks bad and my entries were those of an insane otaku's...
Why am I still online? I have to finish my Math Analysis homework... got to go to bed early for the interview tomorrow morning.
As a follow up to the question about a day passing without anyone noticing, that I had in an earlier entry, I ask: If a person lived, and no one was around to see him/her, did he/her really live? If no one was aware of your existence, no matter how real you think yourself to be, do you really exist? Is the matter of existence really how you perceive yourself or how others perceive you?
Keiko dreamed at 11:05 p.m.
Tuesday, September 11, 2001"...I don't want the world to see me, cos I don't think that they'd understand..." - "Iris", Goo Goo Dolls
Music: {none}
Mood: {none}
Damn, even sites like Anipike is giving condolenscences to the victims of the tragedy... This must be really affecting the country more than I thought
Keiko dreamed at 10:48 p.m.
Tuesday, September 11, 2001"...I don't want the world to see me, cos I don't think that they'd understand..." - "Iris", Goo Goo Dolls
Music: "Love Song" - Luna Sea
Mood: {none}
This morning, I heard my mom tell me she was leaving and that I should get up soon for school. After hearing the door close, I merely went back to sleep(I was cutting the time pretty close). 10 minutes later, my mom called me and told me that the World Trade Center had been attacked, and told me to turn on the tv. I vaguely got it through my brain that the World Trade Center was somewhere on the east coast and that I'd had been there before, years ago. I gradually became awake as I watched on tv, the live images of black smoke billowing from one of the Center towers, and a few minutes later, the second tower completely collapsing. Of course, there was also the mention of the Pentagon getting attacked too.
A lot of people are grieved by the lost of thousands of life, and many people are going paranoid over the attacks, though it is nowhere near them. Being all the way on the other side of the country from New York, I don't really feel touched by what's happened. I believe it, because I've seen its proof on tv, but I don't feel devastated, or shocked, or whatever it is other people are feeling, by it. I'm no philanthopist, that's for sure. Weeping and crying and talking about it won't bring the dead people back, and I find it infuriating that people would so automatically jump to conclusions as to who was responsible for these attacks. Although I suppose bin Laden is a major suspect, and it's more than likely that he did do it, there's no reason that he can't be merely a scapegoat in this matter. Everyone says how this event is a life-changing event, but I don't feel much changed by it. In fact, I doubt that many people will feel its significance in another few years. Just like it was for Okalohoma. This is one of those events that will more likely be dissected by historians than actually cause more than a few months of distress for people other than the relatives of those killed or witnesssed the attacks. I don't know, the most important thing to me right now is not whether or not people are being rescued from underneath the rubble (cos that'll get done with or without me worrying about it), but more like whether I'll get my homework done in time to turn in on Thursday. Yeah, homework... gotta go do it right now...
Keiko dreamed at 10:10 p.m.
Sunday, September 9, 2001"...I don't want the world to see me, cos I don't think that they'd understand..." - "Iris", Goo Goo Dolls
Music: {none}
Mood: {none}
Well, I guess Pitas did register my entry before my comp went blank on me...
Keiko dreamed at 06:24 p.m.
Sunday, September 9, 2001"...I don't want the world to see me, cos I don't think that they'd understand..." - "Iris", Goo Goo Dolls
Music: {none}
Mood: sooooo tired...
Damn my computer... I was typing up this entry earlier, but my comp pulled something weird over me and now I lost everything I was typing earlier... Dammit. Oh well, don't feel like typing everything all over again, so I'll let today slid by.
If a day passes, and no one is around to see it, did it really happen?
Ugh... my eyes are closing of their own voilation...
Keiko dreamed at 06:18 p.m.
Sunday, September 9, 2001"...I don't want the world to see me, cos I don't think that they'd understand..." - "Iris", Goo Goo Dolls
Music: {none}
Mood: sooooo tired...
Ugh... went to bed at 4:30 this morning, woke up at 9:30. 5 hours of sleep, how absolutely wonderful. =_= Anyway, got online (again...), Maryam IMs me saying she's been trying to call my house (yeah, maybe it is time for me to get a pager or a cell phone...) and she tells me I have a half hour to get ready before we have to meet Sung in front of B & N to go up to Solano for the (yearly?) Solano Stroll. So, I was kinda late, and we missed the 11:15 bus (doesn't matter, we wouldn't have caught it anyway...), so we waited for about 1/2 hour for the next bus. Kinda glad we did, I won't say why.
Eh... Solano Stroll was kinda boring... it was the first time I'd gone in years, only the second time in my life. The first time was when I first moved to California. I was with my parents, and, well, when you're a kid, your life is pretty much dominated and controled by your parents. I didn't have much fun, mainly cos my parents wouldn't let me do the stuff I wanted to do. Yeah... stupid experience. I've avoided the Stroll ever since, cos it's really pointless. This time I went cos they said we'd be helping the Kiwanis Club with their booths, and I thought "Hey, good chance to get some credit.", so I went, and we couldn't find the booth. We spent most of our time wandering from one end of Solano to the other, walking past almost all the interesting booths. I saw this stand where they were selling shawls, and god, the black one was gorgeous. So was the pale green one. The fringes at the bottom was nicely done. And they were so soft too. Eh, didn't have enough money to buy one though. There were also a lot of jewelry stands, much nicer than Telegraph, in my opinion, but hey, it's just my biased opinion. I kinda wanted to look at them though. A lot of them looked really pretty, glittering dully in the half-sun. I saw a belled anklet, something that I've really wanted for a long time. I remember when I was a kid, I saw this little girl wearing one of them, and I've wanted one ever since, just to hear the bells. Oh well, wishful thinking, cos I can't imagine a place where I could wear one of them being too conspicuous. Well, actually, I can, but I'm not going back to China anytime soon, so... *shrug*
Ok, I should either take a nap or go do homework... what should I do? Mmmmm......Sleep's winning me over, like always...
Keiko dreamed at 05:44 p.m.
Saturday, September 8, 2001"...I don't want the world to see me, cos I don't think that they'd understand..." - "Iris", Goo Goo Dolls
Music: "Iris" - Goo Goo Dolls
Mood: thoughtful
Looking over that column to the left of the entries, I noticed that I was supposedly Duo Maxwell from Gundam Wing. While I'm not denying that it's true, since I can totally identify with Duo's personality, I was a little surprised that I wasn't more like Dorothy... Dorothy's the coolest female character in GW. Weird eyebrows, though... Yep, so anyway, I identify with Dorothy, though I guess not as much as Duo. That's another thing... how come I got mostly (almost all) guys for my quizzes? Only 2 girls, and one of them is Ryoko, so that's not saying much *hides before Ryoko can bash her into the ground* Not that I'm not happy to be identified with all of my favorite characters (another coincidence), but after a couple of quizzes saying I'm most like a guy from a certain series, a girl kinda wants to know if there are any female characters she's like, ya know? Really lowers my sense of feminity when I look over my 'scores'. Oh well, I always kinda wanted to be a guy anyway, just to see what it'd be like. Being a guy would be so much easier. Don't have to worry about clothes, don't have to worry about period, don't have to go through labor... so convenient... My dad always wanted a boy... Still, if I were a guy, I'd be gay, cos I'd only like guys... -_-;; Oooh, taboo... not really...
Ok, my body's weird... I coulda sworn I had my period, but then not 10 days later, it comes back with a vengeance... Aren't there suppose to be 28 days between rounds? Ugh... so much blood, I hope I'm not bleeding internally somewhere. That would be bad...
Okay, must go eat before I faint from starvation.
Keiko dreamed at 09:44 p.m.
Saturday, September 8, 2001"...I don't want the world to see me, cos I don't think that they'd understand..." - "Iris", Goo Goo Dolls
Music: "Uninvited" - Alanis Morsette
Mood: eh... I don't know... still numb, I guess.
Haven't seen my mom all day. I suppose I vaguely saw her through blurred eyes this morning as I made my way to the bathroom, but she's been out all day. Church activities, I suppose. She's happy, so it's all okay. Still, she called and said she won't be home till 10:00.
I don't think I've eaten all day... I know I drank a lot of coke, but how's that suppose to fill your stomach? Oh wait, I had lunch with my dad... Beef Chow Mein. Not too bad, but that was more than 9 hours ago. I should eat something... I want Korean barbeque...
Oh yeah, I bought a Digimon Adventure (season 1) cd today. I can't exactly call it a waste of money, since there were a lot of good songs on it, but I can't exactly say it was worth the entire $16. Oh well, at least "Butterfly" and "I Wish" is on it. "On the Hill" wasn't too bad either, but... I wanna hear the voices of Taichi and Yamato... either one would do... really.
I should go eat, my stomach's making sarcastic remarks at me about how I never feed it on a regular schedule... ya know, sometimes 1 meal a day, sometimes 2 meals with a midnight snack...
Keiko dreamed at 09:09 p.m.
